New acquaintances often ask why I’m still single at age 45… are you sure that’s my right age? He he he…

Honestly, I myself do not know why I didn’t feel that ardent desire to be wed just as others do. Nope, I’m not a lesbian… in fact, I’m a flirt.. I’m vain… a real woman.

I’ve had boyfriends, casual dates, or whatever you call it, but none of them ignited the spark to keep me hooked on anyone for a lifetime. Gosh! Nope, I’m not really picky, but of course, someone who can afford my whims like Gucci, Versace, Dior, Ferragamo, Vuitton, diamonds, Explorer… he he he…

Seriously, perhaps my long-time job with the broadcasting blurred that girlish idea from me.  Broadcasting is dominated by men. During my term, we were treated like litle baby sisters. They took care of us well and shielded us from harm. They became our confidant, friend, brother, father (ahem!), cousin, etc. Life then was work, work, parties, work, parties, seminars, work… But very enjoyable.. so much fun especially with the freebies. We met a lot of people from all walks of life. It taught me how to adjust to circumstances beyond reason. It taught me how to keep cool all the time. They taught us women how men live, think, act and react.  They taught us to be objective, open-minded, logical and wise.  Ooops! from all the fun… time was not of any essence for personal purposes. But with work, of course, we are always literally running after time.

How did I forget about marriage? My goodness, I can’t recall when it began. Shit!

My second to the last bf I had was the worst. He was funny, a gentleman, thoughtful, sweet, caring and loving.  But he’s a lousy dresser, can’t drive so no car (I became his driver he he he), his English is very poor and so with his diction.. grabe! I cannot introduce him to my collegues for fear that they might laugh at my choice.  But the relationship was just  a prodding from close mutual friends. We wanted to know how life is with his kind. And yes, he was different from others coz he was so sentimental and conservative. Too bad our thoughts run on different ways. To me he seemed like a goon though he’s not. It’s the way he dresses, thinks, talks, moves, gestures that’s pulling him down. I can’t take him to formal parties either… why? Make your guess…

I’m hungry… will continue on this when I’m in a better mood.

Today we cast our votes for the senatorial and local officials. We went to the precinct at around 1:30pm and the place was  not even half full.  I guess Filipinos are not too eager to exercise their right to vote. Why? Because we all know about the rampant cheating during elections. It happened in the past… and happening still.  Everyone’s hungry for power and fame.  And if a candidate spent 40M for his campaign program, how on earth will he be able to get that money back from the meager salary a government official gets?  Well…. we all know that projects entails money… lots and lots… and so thus corruption in the government never ends. Every elected official is either seduced to corruption or has literally embraced its influence.

Counting of votes has commenced late this afternoon.  Several problems cropped up.  But what irritated me most is the issue on “Cayetano” written on the ballot.  It was clearly announced on TV and print media that the non-popular Cayetano’s candidacy has been suspended by the Comelec.  So I myself wrote Cayetano without Alan… knowing he’s the only candidate with that surname.  Comelec claims that decision was reversed on Saturday. Of course without much publicity so people got confused  today.  Several conflicting guidelines were issued today.  Poll watchers and the others on each precinct were confused on which one to follow.  Gosh… this is election in the Philippines.  No coordination.  Makes decisions on whims… on prodding… on bribes…

Oh well…. be amazed to the spectacular performances of magicians from ballot counting to ballot transports. He he he… nothing new… always as expected.

True Beauty

Of all the wonders in this world
There’s beauty in the soul
Precious as the hands of time
An essence, pure and whole.

Some will go for beauty’s grace
In flowing locks of hair
But it will lose its luster soon
When the spirit isn’t there.

Others look to faces, young
In worldly magazines
But they are full of sinful traps
Look to the soul, unseen.
There’s beauty in the spirit

Beyond this flesh that dies
A pretty face will fade away
But one in Christ will rise.

There’s treasure in the soul, my friend
It lasts throughout all time
The beauty never fades away
Nor wilts upon the vine.

Enduring as the sword of truth
That dwells in Beulah land
The flaming torch, God’s light that shines
Within the breast of man.

by: Marilyn Ferguson ©2003

• This is my very first post which I’m certain I’ll be editing pretty soon… My mind is in turmoil as to what is in store for me…. Nothing much creativity comes out of it to make my first post interesting…
• Today, my mood is light, though I haven’t gone out drinking, eating and laughing with my barkada… I needed the rest anyway…
• This is just a trial… so I’ll be changing and adding a few things here in the next few days, depending on my mood of course…

Today I just realized that I’ve been walking through a dark narrow alley with so much fear.  But I had to go on… never stopping…. Fear is constantly in my heart, though I know He never leaves me. I am angry at myself for the fear that envelopes me. I know He guides me, He helps me, yet that feeling lurks inside me.  Don’t I trust Him? No, I trust Him so much. Perhaps it’s the eagerness to reach the bright side at once that causes this fear. Patience is on its verge of nullity.  The crave for light is killing me.  I sometimes tell Him I am not as strong as He think I am.  I am weaker than a dried twig. But when this nauseating feeling emerges, my only weapon is prayers… to Him who never leaves me.  Prayers give me courage… sanity and strength.  In every trouble, in every need, in every problem… He gives an answer… a solution.  He puts an end to every battle… but gives another battle to conquer.  He wants me to be strong, that I am sure… but for what purpose, only He knows.